2023.September.23

2 Cor 4:16 “Do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

Round 4 of radiation was a tough one, which we didn’t expect. I came home in time to start battling a cold, and the combination proved to be challenging. Headaches, nausea, and fatigue took a toll on me and my spirits–until God reached out and said, “I’m here, and I’m renewing you and your heart day by day.”

Most of you know that I’m still teaching half days at a Classical Christian school. This year I’m using some weekly journaling time to challenge the 9th and 10th graders to have a growth mindset. We had previously journaled on failure, and I could tell it had been a difficult issue to face and to write about. So, last Thursday evening (9/14) I was thinking about how to talk to the students about that. As I was getting ready Friday morning I was challenged with the thought “how can God use this tough week to grow me?” I’m asking my students to have a growth mindset; I want to challenge myself to look for lessons in hardships too. God heard my prayer and the morning scramble went on—then, as I was getting in the car I remembered one more thing I needed to grab and ran back into the house. As I walked back out, my phone had connected to the car’s bluetooth and the door was open so I could hear, “I will call upon your name/And keep my eyes above the waves” from the song Oceans. As I drove to school I prayed and listened to the song a few times through. Now, I’ve listened to this song many times over the past 10 years, but last week I heard a line I’ve never really heard before. “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders” And that became my prayer that quiet foggy morning. While the students were journaling, I took that time to journal too, and I tried to look at what borders I have on my trust in the Lord. Do I trust Him when the diagnosis is cancer? Yes! Do I trust Him when the word “incurable” comes out? Yes! Do I trust Him when the fatigue drags me down and I can’t make dinner for my family night after night? Not as much… Do I trust Him when the new side effect of nausea shows up? I didn’t do so well with that… So I sat with Him quietly after the students left my room and I prayed—and I confessed. Out of that sweet time He led me to pray, “In the darkest night, when fear gathers, when anxiety creeps around me, let my hope be in You Lord. The devil CANNOT win against you → so my hope lives on. And–this is all for my good and Your glory→ so please let my trust grow by leaps and bounds!”

Now, as I type this up a week later, I can’t say that I didn’t allow doubt to sneak in this week, but I can say that the Lord is faithful and He stopped me quickly with the reminder that He is growing my trust in a way that it shatters the box I constructed for it. For He IS good, and He IS faithful.

My prayers were inspired by 2 songs:
Oceans (Trust without Borders) by Hillsong - Lyrics, YouTube
In the Night (my hope lives on) by Andrew Peterson - Lyrics, YouTube